Why are we often so afraid to show ourselves? To let anyone see our blemishes, or our fears. As little children we are taught to hide ourselves, taught that being exposed leads ultimately to humiliation. Why would we do that? Be humiliated of the simple aspects of life, that define us, that God granted to us, and we dare call them blemishes and be ashamed? If our bodies are exposed it’s humiliating, if a secret is told we are often scared from embarrassment. Developing this mentality that we just aren’t good enough on our own. If someone sees the real and true us, we run and hide. But these thing, these things that we shield from the world and even those the closest to us are really the things that define who we are as a person—from our physical appearance to life experiences. And really showing someone the all exposed you, really draws a very special bond, really connects you in ways that you can’t get without being exposed. We are reluctant to do this because we are to afraid of rejection, of fear, of embarrassment, because from a young age we were giving a complex, a lower, ashamed self esteem of our faults. But if we just escape ourselves, and stop considering self first we could all be in union and I believe at ease with the closest connections possible. I don’t have any facts, no research or stats,no biblical scripture to support these claims; I only have my common knowledge and life experiences. And I truly believe now that being exposed really isn’t bad. It is a transition. I’m happy with ME and apart only worrying about myself, I’m at the point where I can honestly care about others and be kind to the fullest capacity. And though I do struggle to go back to the locked-up way I was, like I said why are these flaws bad? why should I be ashamed? All the exposing moments have been the rarest ones which define me, and I like it, I’m ok with it. Embrace your faults. Risk being exposed. Accept vulnerability. That’s how you truly live.
Friends. Siblings. Lovers. Parents. Spouses. Neighbors. No matter what, everyone in the world has relationships of some type. We all do. They just preexisited in our lives before we even had a chance to stop it. And even when we try to prevent any type of strings being attached, it happens. I used to always think that the relationships you have throughout your life somewhat make up who you are as a person. It took me quite a while before I reached this conclusion, but when I did, I was full convinced of it; believing it with everything I am. In my mind, how you treat people has always had a direct correlation with the essence of your character. So, even when people stepped on me and sometimes took advantage of the nice things I offered, I still believed that, I still need to treat people my best. And yes, I fell short of this often in the heat of the moment or as an act of frustration but the road continually led me back to this developed truth. I guess it was just a much more of a peaceful place to be at, rather than filling the voids of lost relationships, hurt and bottled up feelings, lies, ultimately my issues with a smoke filled room and a cup in my hand. But I had developed that as my friend, my reliable relationship. I just realized thats not me and thats not happiness. So, day by day, I put it all away, but I can’t change that past, no matter what. But it did lead me to this truth. These amazing, memory-filled, laughter, terrible, tense relationships are what we are all looking for; what helps make us happy. But why? why do we lock up? why do we do such terrible things that destroy each other? Even after year, decades, it’s still the same story. We lie, we cover up, we pretend, we change. But why? Why does it affect everything so greatly? This is something I’ve never understood; even as i press on continuing to do my best as people do these things to me, I get to the point where I just squeeze my eyes tightly as I cry out is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? But its all still there. I don’t want to hate love; all types. I don’t want to be in a box. And even though I rarely admit it, I really don’t want to be alone. I just want to be happy. I want everyone to be peaceful. Even after the troubles. Just calm.